History 101

Well hello there.... It's been over a year since I last blogged. It doesn't surprise me, I knew this was going to take some time to get into. But... I have found a purpose to my blog. Woohoo!!! As many of my friends and family know we are beginning the IVF process and I thought it would be nice to blog about our journey. I must warn anyone reading this though, it might get graphic. I'm just saying.....

Here's a little history lesson for you to give you some background of why we are doing Invitro fertilization. When Todd was 7 years old he was shot with a .270 hunting rifle at close range. They were in the kitchen of a friends house and one of the boys found the loaded rifle. He swung it around pretending to shoot his friends and it went off. It was an accident of epic proportions. Todd remembers struggling to get down the back stairs of the house carrying his "insides" because he wanted to die beneath a tree not in a house. He was seven! His next clear memory was of his mother screaming from several yards away because the paramedics wouldn't let her close to him. He spent 42 days in the hospital and lost almost 100 lbs.. He was a hefty boy before the accident and skin and bones after. He clinically died twice before getting to the hospital and once there underwent extensive surgeries. He lost 20 ft of his large intestine and several ft of his small intestine. There was much more damage than I am going to list here but trust me when I tell you it was a miracle he survived. Two significant things were spoken over him at this point: 1) he was told he would not live to 25 years of age, 2) he would not father children. We believe in the power of the spoken word and believe that some significant spiritual things happened when the doctor said these things.

Fast forward to 14 years ago... Todd and I got married. Ah, wedded bliss. Todd was very clear before we got married that he would not be able to have kids and still I chose him. I just knew that my God was big enough to heal him and give me the family I desired. It has been a long rode. I have battled his unbelief, my doubt, my family's doubt, the doctors prognosis, satan's plan, and who knows what else. It wasn't until Todd started fighting beside me that we actually saw things start to turn around. We have attempted to adopt multiple times and they have all fallen through. We have been to the fertility clinic twice but could not agree on the course of action to take. We have taken the course to become foster parents 3 times but couldn't go through with it. We have even contemplated not ever having children to call our own. Every time one of these things fell through or didn't work out we were reminded of who God is and what his plan for us was.

Early on in our marriage I was really struggling with the idea that I would never have a child of my own when I very clearly heard God say that we would have a family. I don't know that I have ever heard the voice of God like that before or since. It was so clear and I KNEW who it was. Yes I know that not everyone who reads this is going to agree or believe this part but... it's my story and I know how it went. You're just going to have to trust me. :-) We have had random people come to us and tell us that they believe they're supposed to give us a scripture. Every one of the scriptures has been about people having kids. EVERY ONE!! Keep in mind that these people didn't know us at all. They really were just random people we saw at church. You have to love a God who loves to reminds us of who he is.

Well like I said, it's been a long road. A road paved with tears and sorrow as month after month I don't get pregnant. I've watched my friends build their families, all three of my siblings build their families, and numerous cousins create numerous second cousins. I've cried when told that so and so was pregnant and they were mad about it. Or when unwed mothers complained that they weren't really sure they wanted to keep the baby because it was really going to cramp their style. I've been mad at God. I've been mad at Todd. I've been mad at me. I've also done a lot of repenting for all that mad. :) The bible says that God will give us the desire of our heart if we delight ourselves in him (paraphrased). I know that that is truth and I have learned to stand on those truths to get through all of this. I have also learned how to give up the desires of my heart and allow God to replace them with his desires for me. I still want to be a mom.

Ok that brings us to the purpose of this blog. Todd and I have decided to do IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization). We are ready for this. I will be using this blog to document the journey and everything that goes with it. Lucky you!! I will try not to be too graphic but come on, do you know what they will be doing to me?! I would greatly appreciate any and all prayers that you might choose to lift up for us as we go through this. I realize that Todd is going through this too and it might sound like it's all about me, but this is my blog so it is all about me. :) Todd can get his own blog. So I hope you will check back and follow my journey and maybe even share one of your own with me. Love to you all...